Poduri

Imi place foarte mult imaginea unui pod. De fiecare data cand vad un pod am un sentiment ciudat,o stare de bine.Nu stiu de ce, am ajuns sa asociez podurile cu anumite lucruri.Si daca stau sa ma gandesc,chiar au sens.Imagineaza-ti un pod. Imagineaza-ti ca esti la baza lui si te uiti spre el. Il vezi cum se intinde in fata ta,cum se inalta,dar nu il vezi cum coboara. Stai si gandeste-te putin la imaginea aceasta.Are ceva magic in ea. Eu vad podurile ca pe niste situatii noi.Dar nu orice fel de situatii.Evenimentul acela pe care il astepti cu nerabdare.E noul in care de abia astepti sa te arunci,dar in acelasi timp iti e frica. Iti e frica pentru ca vezi inceputul lui, poate si momentul culminant,dar nu ii vezi finalul.Nu vezi cum s-ar putea termina...daca dupa culmea inalta e o prapastie abrupta sau daca e lin.Sau poate ca urmeaza sa se complice.Sa fie un pod mai complicat.Situatia sa ia noi intorsaturi.La care tu nu te-ai asteptat.Si te iau prin surprindere.Si nu stii ce sa faci.Dar esti pe pod.Si e linie continua.Si nu ai voie sa te intorci.Asa ca trebuie sa mergi inainte.Nu ai voie nici sa depasesti.Stai si iti astepti randul.Ii vezi si pe altii inainte si te iei dupa ei.Daca ei au reusit, tu de ce nu ai reusi? Dar daca esti singur? Daca nu e nimeni in fata ta?Esti singur pe pod si trebuie sa mergi inainte. Si vin curbele alea periculoase,intorsaturile.Poti incetini si privi cu atentie si sa iei lucrurile pas cu pas.Prima curba e cea mai grea.Dupa ce treci de prima problema ,o sa vezi ca si restul pot fi depasite.O sa te simti mai sigur pe tine. Si incet,incet te indrepti spre finalul podului.Si te poti uita in oglinda retrovizoare cu mandrie,sau poate nu mandrie,dar satisfactie.Sa vezi ca ai lasat in urma un pod inalt, cu toate culmile lui. Ai trecut peste o perioada din viata ta plina de evenimente.Plina de incercari.Si le-ai trecut pe toate!Si acum ca le-ai depasit..ai invatat ceva in plus.Si data viitoare cand vei trece pe acolo nu iti va mai fi frica!Pentru ca stii ca orice situatie,oricat ar fii de grea,nu e imposibila. O poti depasi!Si cand altii vor trece pe acolo,poti alege sa mergi tu in fata lor, sa fie ei cei care se iau dupa tine. Si acum,revino la imaginea acelui pod. Vizualizeaza-l din nou.Si incearca sa simti ca esti acolo pe culmea lui.Si ca la stanga si la dreapta se intinde pamantul,sau o apa...si e liniste.Si tu esti acolo sus. Nu te simti bine? Eu da. Ador podurile.

joc.joaca.

Joc.Joaca. Unul din primele capitole invatate la limba si literatura romana in liceu. Cred ca vara asta mai mult ca niciodata am experimentat jocul( copilaria nu se pune) si mi-am dat seama ca inca imi place. E asa fain... aseara am fost pe malul Begai cu ceva prieteni.Si ne-am jucat...cred ca daca ar fii trecut cineva pe acolo s-ar fii uitat foarte ciudat la noi..paream niste copii.Jocuri ce le jucam si acum 5-6 ani le jucam si astazi. Si imi place. A fost un sentiment grozav..sa stai pe malul apei..sa auzi muzica in surdina...rasete,veselie ..nu m-as supara sa fac asta seara de seara. De multe ori simt nevoia sa evadez de acasa,din orasul asta.De multe ori am senzatia ca e un oras mort.Ca nu e nimic interesant de facut si daca as fii oriunde altundeva,intr-un oras mai faimos sa spun asa, ar sta altfel lucrurile si viata ar fii mult mai interesanta si cu siguranta s-ar gasi ceva de facut tot timpul.Dar nu e asa.Un oras e plin de viata daca tu il faci sa para asa.Aseara Timisoara a fost plina de viata.Pentru ca noi eram.Si la urma urmelor,cred ca poti sa te afli oriunde,si in cel mai populat oras din lume..daca nu esti inconjurat de prieteni cu care sa poti face orice fel de lucruri,chiar daca par puerile,la urma urmelor tot singur te simti. Asa ca ma bucur ca pot sa traiesc astfel de senzatii.Si mai vreau.Imi place sa fiu copil :)

startovers.

Mess..a thing that so many times characterizes some of us,or me.Many times i find myself in a total mess. (mostly my room:P) But in a weird way mess is good.After a big school project, mess rules in my room.All the place is filled with so many things,and almost all are useless.And when mess rules I cannot work properly. So.. the next step is of course cleaning up.Now that's a challenge!because cleaning up means that you have to go through all the mess and see what's good in there. What you take back and what you choose to get rid of forever.And when you figure that out,then you can really start.
Now..why do I say all these? because for me cleaning up is like a startover.May sound stupid ,but think about it. First you have the mess. All those crazy things going around in your life,crazy things that keep you busy with nonsense.And they make you feel so tired and s stressed ,that you forget what's your purpose,why you were there in the first place.And sometimes we just need to take a step back and look at all that mess. And start choosing.We need to pick up the pieces that are good for us,that we can still use.And the others..just give them away...forever.And the cleaning can start. It's a whole process so useful in our life. We need to see what's good in us..what made us bad ,what do we have to get rid of in order to change. And when we figure all that out,a new life is starting.A clean one. A fresh start.Where you can choose if this time you will keep it clean or let the mess rule.
That's why I always think about startovers when I'm cleaning my room. It gives me so much strenght when I see it clean,and makes me wanna do so many stuff and the atmosphere is brighter. It's the same with life. When you startover you see all these choices and all the stuff you weren't seeing before because of all that huge mess. So keep your life clean!you never know what might show up:)

Extenuare.Implinire.

In seara asta m-am simtit superb din nou.Poate dupa foarte mult timp am avut sentimentul acesta. E ceva aparte si magic,desi poate suna stupid si poate fi neinteles de catre unii. Si e vorba doar despre dans. Repetitiile din seara asta m-au extenuat. M-au extenuat atat de tare,cum nu mi s-a mai intamplat pana acum. Si totusi e asa bine. Pasiunea si vointa care vine odata cu extenuarea sunt incredibile. Sentimentul ala de "nu vreau sa ma opresc pana cand nu-mi iasa,pana cand nu fac incredibil de bine" e ceva de nedescris. Si atunci cand vezi pasiunea asta si in altii... lucrurile devin mult mai frumoase. Si poate aici,la dans se observa mai mult ca oriunde cum munca face diferenta. Cum muncind si repetand poti sa iti intreci limitele.Lucruri pe care nu te credeai in stare sa le faci.Care aratau frumos facute de altii..dar tu?si totusi..da,tu!tu poti! e exemplul cel mai perfect al faptului ca nu ne nastem invatati,ca in orice lucru trebuie sa muncim pentru a ajunge cat mai aproape de perfectiune; si ca,muncind,iei putin cate putin din lucrurile dupa care alergi. De abia astept si ziua de maine..munca din nou:) repetitii,transpiratie, sentimentul de implinire,nevoia dupa mai mult si mai bine si faptul ca nimic nu este imposibil.Este greu,dar nu imposibil.Si daca vrei ceva,daca chiar vrei ceva..o sa ai acel lucru. Si de abia astept sa terminam dansul si sa vad rezultatul final...o satisfactie de nedescris...pentru ca tot ce fac e cu un scop si daca dansez,e doar pentru Dumnezeu.Pentru ca e asa de minunat si imi arata asta zilnic:)

1 Mai

Nu stiu ce voi face anul acesta de 1 mai... dar stiu ce am facut anul trecut.Si mi-ar place sa se repete sau sa retraiesc 1 mai-ul trecut:)



nah..sper sa fie fain si anul asta :P

trecut-prezent-viitor

Am stat zilele astea si m-am gandit la lucrurile care imi plac..care ma fac sa ma simt bine...si unde sunt buna. Si pentru asta am aruncat o privire in spate.La ceea ce ma facea sa ma simt bine si buna la ce fac.Si am gasit 3 lucruri.Scoala(invatat) , dans si desen. Dansul...pot spune ca inca e asa..incep sa am acelasi sentiment de atunci, cand dansez(coregrafie).Ramane desenul si scoala. Am fost obisnuita ca 12 ani sa fiu cea mai buna.Si sa fiu sigura pe mine in tot ceea ce fac.Am ajuns la facultate si am observat ca exista competitie.Dar am uitat un aspect.Trebuie sa iei parte la competitie.Si nu pot sa spun ca am facut asta pana acum.Au fost tentative,dar inca nu m-am calificat.Si trebuie sa merg din nou la calificari.Doar ca de data asta voi fi pregatita.Tin minte acum ceva ani cand o persoana apropiata mi-a spus ca sunt cea mai ambitioasa fata.Si eram.Puteam obtine orice vroiam in domeniul asta.Si nu suportam sa nu fiu cea sau printre cei mai buni.Si acum ceva s-a intamplat.Nu mai sunt sigura pe mine.Si nu asta e problema.Dar ii consider pe altii mai destepti ca mine.Intr-un fel ma desconsider.Si acum o sa spun: destul. Pentru ca ii spun bun venit ambitiei.Si de data asta nu o mai las sa plece.Voi redeveni/deveni ceea ce simt ca trebuie sa fiu. O sa fie greu,dar nu o sa ma mai las.Chiar daca inseamna munca excesiva la inceput...antrenamentele nu vor fi usoare,dar o data calificata,intru in competitie! si nu vreau sa ratez asta! e sansa mea si o sa profit din plin de ea!

Lately

I was in the mood for writing for a long time now.But it's weird to write just for the sake of writing. So I didn't.And right now I realise that all I've been feeling lately is fatigue.And in some weird sort of way I like it. I like working like crazy because in the end..when all it's done..I feel satisfied.But I don't like that so much work makes me be forgetful and most of all..stressed.And all I get to do when I get home is check my mails,work a little bit more,and go to sleep. And looking back,,,it's so strange! I used to go to bed at 3-4 AM...and now...1 AM feels so late!!but 10 PM sounds so good when it regards sleeping:)And I don't like not having time for myself.At all. But I think what I like lately in my life is that I started reading which is like wow for me..and I actually like it:) I should do it more often.The bad part is that I'm still lazy.Need advice how to get rid of that!!!Oh and also...working like that every day at school..I got the chance to be inspired by some of my team partners. I now see how it is to be passionate about something. I like that there is always something to learn from every situation,and if we look close enough...we might just be lucky enough to discover things we've been searching for and didn't even know how close they are.

Un nou inceput

A inceput scoala.Din nou.De fiecare data cand se intampla asta,am senzatia ca e un nou inceput.Am oportunitatea de a alege.Pot sa aleg ce prioritati am,pot invata din greseli si pot alege ce vreau sa schimb.Si mereu am idei noi,sunt asa optimista si imi planific o groaza de lucruri.Si multe dintre ele nu le duc la capat.Se pierd undeva pe drum.Si asta se intampla des.Parca ambitia nu e suficienta,sau determinarea.
In viata de zi cu zi nu stiu de cate ori avem ocazia sa o luam de la inceput.De multe ori ne e frica de asta.Nu e ca la scoala,unde stii ca dupa cateva luni o sa inceapa un nou semestru si totuuul o sa fie bine.Aici e diferit.E viata.Si cred ca asta o face frumoasa.Pentru ca cel mai greu e ca atunci cand nu ai reusit ceva,cand ai esuat,sa continui si sa nu te dai batut.Sa privesti cu incredere.Si nu neaparat sa o iei de la inceput,ci sa continui.Sa ai abilitatea de a trece peste obstacole.Asta e lucrul care ne difera.Asta conteaza la urma urmelor..sa reusim sa mergem inainte,invatand din greseli.Pentru ca de fiecare data cand gresim si incercam din nou,lucrurile vor merge mai bine.Intervine experienta:) Si multora ne e frica sa incercam.Si uneori ne e mai frica de succes decat de esec.Dar adevaratii invingatori sunt cei care incearca si nu se dau batuti.

People always leave?

I once heard this and I couldn't disagree more.But if I think about it..maybe it's not so false as I thought.Because people do leave;they follow their dreams and their destinies.Some people stay,some go.

If I look back in my life,I realise one thing.The most important people,friends I had/have,left. That's how I learned how it's like to miss someone.The big "I miss you" feeling.And sometimes I wish it wouldn't be needed to feel this.But feeling that you miss someone makes that person important in your life.Or it makes me realise how important that person is to me.I don't want this post to be a sad one or one full of regrets...it's just a way to remember my friends and what they mean to me and how important they were in my life and still are because there was a tie once that kept us together.And some ties cannot be broken.

The first important person that left was Nelu.He was one of my best friends ever.The person who came among us and was just like a glue.He put as all together like he was making a tour around each one of us with a glue and then we were a group of friends.And I loved it.Nelu is popular and charming.And he has something I envy him for.But I envy him and respect him..and admire him I could say.Although he was popular and he had looots of friends,he made time for each and every one of us ,to listen to us and just get to know the real us...and that matters.We had so much fun and I cried so many times of too much laughter when he was around..these are things I can't forget.After he left...that glue was just gone and our little group of friends vanished slowly.Nelu was the thing that kept us together.I miss you,Nelu!

The most important person that left,was Emma.And here I could write pages and pages.My best friend since I was 13.She put up with all the stupid things I've done..and I know I hurt her once..but it's like a dream that's forgotten now.Emma is the person that really knows the real me.A true friend who knows me without saying a word.And her presence here is something I will always miss.Because there are so many times that I feel like talking to someone and there is no one around to whom I can say the things only she knows.I miss talking on the phone hundreds of minutes with her and going out every weekend and having here sleeping over and laughing.Now I barely use the phone and my weekends are spent mostly in the house.And I miss her sitting next to me at church(instead of putting my purse on the chair she used to have^^).And I miss her wise opinions that kept me many times from doing stupid things or opened my eyes to see where I am wrong.But she is still my best friend ever and it will always be like that.Cause even if you're in Germany,we are much more then tied together and I feel you close even if you're not cause you're deep down in my heart:)Oh and about things I admire in you-again I could write a book about this.I mean..there are so many things I like and admire in the way you are...that I just feel honored that I'm your friend and I get to learn from the best;))

Next are the people that are right here close,but I feel them very far,and even if I get to see them,I miss them.First it's for sure Dani.And Andreea. People I know that have so much value and so much talents inside them.And even if our ties don't brake,they loosen sometimes.But deep down inside..these are the persons I know I can trust and I know I can always ask for their advice and I know the feeling is mutual.Dani is the person who just knows to encourage me every time.He is wise and he told me things that I remember every time I feel down.Andreea was always the super star,the girl with a strong personality.

And of course,last but not least.The people that came in my life,for just a few weeks,but I feel I know them for ever.And that they were in my life for a long time.Steph(the girl i like to "get lost" with^^) and Yann(the guy who makes me smile^^).I feel that they know me and they got to know me in a few weeks like others maybe don't.And I feel I know them too,especially Steph^^People that I miss every single day and I wish they were closer:P But I admire you two for your talents and for the way you are.

This is getting too long lol.My conclusion is that missing is not such a bad feeling cause it makes all of you precious to me.And I am keeping you in my heart even if you're not close:D love,love,love you:D

Friendship is complicated

This is the conclusion i came to.I mean so often when things seem to be ok...something keeps on coming up...and messes it all. Sometimes I feel that we try to impress the people around us instead of just being ourselves.we do our best for people who we like to like us back,we put efforts into that. We try to show why we are special..what makes us different from the rest.And we put efforts into that.I'm not even sure what that special thing that we want to show sometimes really is..but we try and try...and once in a while it works.Sometimes people are amazed...sometimes they become your friends,good friends,best friends,special friends...or more.But we have to be careful..because the most important thing it's to just be ourselves.
Ok,back to where I started from^^ Friendship seems to be easy..in a complicated way.I find it hard many times to deal with more than one friend..I mean..it's so hard to be careful to not neglect one or another and not to get too attached to someone and the other gets to feel bad because of that,when actually you care about all of them.In the end it's you the one who will get hurt,feeling bad because you just couldn't divide equal your attention to them. But worse is when you are dissapointed.When you realise that people you wouldn't thought of hurt you.Bad. I mean...It's hard to trust in someone...after you have the impression that maybe you are not so good friends as you thought .It's good not to have so many friends...but the ones u have to be true friends.
But a friend once told me:the love you give, stays there forever,but the love you keep for youself and don't share it,it's forever lost.
So I don't regret loving you, my friend! (dunno if this makes any sense)

"Good things might come to those who wait"

Sometimes it's just hard...too hard. And many times I just don't understand why things are like this..but I know there's a purpose for it... And there's a whole process going on....for us to build our character. Even though things aren't ment to be easy....good things will happend afterall...and I am waiting for them.

Talking in public

I am afraid of talking in public..and when I say talking in public ,I refer to making a presentation or having to speak about something,about my work for example ,to defend it.I am terrified about that.And I'm not sure why.Most of the time I know what I have to say,and I know that there's nothing to be ashamed of.But when it comes to actually speaking...now there I have a big issue. I just stop.Actually words stop coming.I hear them in my mind..but they just wont get out. And I begin to put that puppy face on..like "oops I am all lost..help?"And that it's bad for me.And I know it.I so know it.Well tomorrow I have to make one of those presentations.In front of some teachers I never talked to before. And I'm scared.I started to be scared last week.I already feel nervous and all. I hope it wont be a mess.I hope I will not panic. And I still don't know why am I so scared.A lot of people seem to be so ok with that..and I feel that I could be too..it's not that hard...I just don't feel comfortable doing that.But I have to learn to be ok with it.It's a must.Still scared.

Would you break free?

You only get as much as you can take!
Many times I see myself saying that I can't do it anymore,I can't go on...that this is too much for me! Big fat lie! When things become hard it means that they are like that because God gave me the power to overcome them.Recently I went through a tough period.And it's still not over..Sometimes it feels that it's harder than it's for others..but that's not true.If things are hard it means that I am so strong that they will become easy at a certain point.And God is teaching me to trust in Him. To have a little faith.And if I do that,I can feel His peace telling me that things will turn out just fine in the end.
Hard moments and problems are in our paths to teach us how to walk by faith.How to believe the unbelievable.Obstacles are there so we can grow.We should be grateful for them once in a while...because even if it's hard now...it's us who have something to gain when it passes.
What doesn't kill me,makes me stronger:)

disappointment?

Sometimes I find myself disappointed of me.Why?easy.The answer is-because I'm ordinary. And I want to be extraordinary.Yes,ordinary people are required too(and in some sort of way no one is ordinary,we all are special in our own way),but I want to be more than that.
I'm not the person I wanted to be.Yet.I don't excel in anything.I'm not the best in what I do.I don't have enough will,I don't have enough ambition. I wish to do things and dream about them, but I guess that's all I do-dream.And dreaming isn't enough-it's not reality. I know I can do better than this-I once did.I can be better,maybe even excel,if I put all that I am in it.So why don't I do it? why do I leave everything hanging till the last moment?Why do I focus my attention on things I shouldn't?And why am I not doing anything to change all these?It's such a big why.Everything it's a choice.Everything.And I think I made a few wrong ones.I want to be better than this,not only in what I do,but in what I am.I want to be a good person-the person I dreamed I can be,with a nice character.I want to be more than just ordinary.